Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
