My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
