My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
