u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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