This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
