What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My balls are so social today.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
