I heard we made out
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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