I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
