guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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