to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
