I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
