You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
