Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
