I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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