It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
