Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
