I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
