So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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