My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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