Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
