Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
