hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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