She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
