literally had 100 drinks last night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
