Small penises have feelings too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
