i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize