seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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