you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
