i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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