My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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