i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
