He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize