I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
