it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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