I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just forgot I was standing up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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