She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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