if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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