I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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