i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The ass gains better be worth it
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