i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
