I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
