a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
