Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
