The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
