guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
