her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
