I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
