god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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