What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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