hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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