I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
