I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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