hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
