My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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