No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
