But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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