just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
