my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
