The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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