# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
