I puked a lego.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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