your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize