very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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