I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
