Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
